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Forget Black Friday. Cyber Monday, be damned.
Instead, behold Masters Tuesday, a retail event unlike any other.
Whilst the best golfers on the planet and their boiler-suited caddies prep for the first major of the season, gluttonous chaos is unfolding a flick of a wedge from the first tee.
Manic patrons load shopping bags with all manner of merch, only some of which they actually want and even less of which they need.
Polo shirts, baseball caps, key fobs, jigsaw puzzles, candles and yes, gnomes are swiped from the shelves with zero regard for price nor personal space. Stick a Masters logo on it and indifference gives way to impulse.
“A $250 Augusta watch, you say? Don’t mind if I do!”
It’s quite a scene. People queue for 60 minutes or more just to get in the building, and then another 15 minutes or so to get to the front of the line. Then, faster than you can say ‘fore please’, they drop hundreds of dollars, sometimes thousands and occasionally even more.
• ‘Everyone does it!’ Brooks Koepka shrugs off Masters rules controversy
• McEwan: Tiger Woods might disagree but he’s more ceremonial than contender
It’s Disneyland in chinos.
In the name of objective journalistic research or something like that, I moseyed into the mayhem. I was curious to see exactly how far $300 would go.
Well, no, that’s not entirely true. I originally set myself a limit of $100, which quickly became $150, which, in turn, jumped out to $300. Much longer and I’d have (a) been at a grand and (b) facing a lot of questions when I got home. (“But we’ve already got a chopping board, Michael!”)
No doubt to the disappointment of Scottish divorce lawyers, sensibility prevailed and $300 became the mark. Keep scrolling to see what I got for my cash.
And yes, of course I got a receipt. This stuff’s all expensible, right?
Right?!
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Masters Commemorative Pin Flag – $30
Masters Bag Towel – $19
Masters Ball Markers (Pack of 4) – $20
Masters Key Fob – $9
Masters Thermal Flask – $39
Masters Lightweight Technial Hoodie – $75
Masters Logo Sweater – $75
—
Sub-total: $267.00
Tax (4%): $10.72
TOTAL: $277.62
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