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Golf fans are weird. All of them. There are absolutely no exceptions. If you’re looking around at your mates and thinking none of you are weird, you are.


It’s OK, though. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just part of this beautifully ludicrous sport of ours.

Golf fans at The Open, however, are a different breed.

While you won’t find any “MASHED POTATO!” losers among the quarter of a million or so at Royal Liverpool – or, indeed, any Open venue – there are plenty of weird and wonderful fans to look out for as they trot around the UK’s finest linksland in the hope of spotting a star or two.

Here are some I have encountered so far at RLGC…

The Rickie Fowler Wannabe

Let’s just get these out the way with immediately. The men – because it is always men – dressed head to toe in orange Puma gear.

Guys, Rickie Fowler doesn’t dress like Rickie Fowler any more. It’s time to move on.

The Full Kit W*****

Which segues nicely into those who show up for a day of watching golf as if they’re showing up for a day of playing golf.

Now, footwear I will absolutely accept. It is, after all, designed for this very purpose. But why are you rocking your favourite Under Armour polo and slacks? Do you think they’re going to pull you out the crowd and see if you fancy 18?

You have 100% taken the piss out of someone in your time for going to a comic book convention dressed as Yoda, or someone from the other intergalactic thingy with the spaceship and the aliens. How is this any different?

Award yourself a bonus point if you are wearing your club’s logo on your top. Have another if it’s a gilet.

Golf fans

“I play in the Dartmoor League – it’s about two levels below the PGA Tour.”

The Club Pro

Are you a professional, mate? You should have said. Unfortunately for you, you’re not really any closer to mixing it with Rory McIlroy and Co. than I am.

Scottie Scheffler’s the best player on the planet. He’s won the Masters. And the Players. And a bunch of other stuff. He’s also way down the stats in putting, so if he wants to chip from the fringe just let him. You don’t need to make some know-it-all comment about how “he should have putted that”.

I know, I can’t believe you’re not on his payroll either. Imagine what you could achieve together.

The Phone Fiends

Actually, this just goes for every sport or gig or family gathering. Put your phone away. Enjoy being in the moment. Just because you have a camera in your pocket, doesn’t mean you have to spend the entire day with it in front of your face. Or, worse, my face.

You’ve spent all that money and time to be here today, at the greatest golf tournament on the planet, just soak it in.

open fans

Spoiler alert: You will never look back at any of those photos you’ve taken. Ever.

Don’t believe me? Think of the last time you went to an event and took loads of photos. Have you once opened them?

In the sea you go.

The Drunk and Disorderlies

When has getting on the beers at 9am ever worked out for you? You know you’re going to be a drunken sunburnt mess by lunchtime.

And stop whooping! No one whoops any more. It’s 2023. And it brings out such a horrible side of you. For starters, you just called Shubhankar Sharma “Sahith”.

Congratulations, you’re hated by all golf fans (and probably everyone else) within a two-mile radius.

The Commentator

My absolute favourite, saved for last. You just can’t help yourself, can you?

“Oh, he’s absolutely flushed it.”

Yes, I can see that. I have eyes. And ears. So does everyone else standing around you. They know he flushed it. They also wish you’d flush your brain.

“It’s going to be tough to get up and down from there!”

From the face of a fairway pot bunker? You think? Mad that you’re not paid the big bucks by Sky Sports.

And my all-timer: “He caught that a bit fat.”

The only thing a bit fat around here, pal, is your head.

Well, that got more and more ranty as it went on. Sorry about that. It’s been a long week. Anyway, want to hear more of my ramblings from RLGC? You’ll find those with Michael McEwan on The bunkered Podcast Open Commute.


author headshot

Alex Perry is the Associate Editor of bunkered. A journalist for more than 20 years, he has been a golf industry stalwart for the majority of his career and, in a five-year spell at ESPN, covered every sporting event you can think of. He completed his own Grand Slam at the 2023 Masters, having fallen in love with the sport at his hometown club of Okehampton and on the links of nearby Bude & North Cornwall.

Associate Editor

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